Re-upped the domain for another year.

In other news, my practice has been going strong for a little over a half-year now. Since January 1st, I’ve missed only three days. One because I plum forgot, one because it was 2am, I’d just driven 4 hours, and the next day I’d be sitting for 90 minutes, and one because I was knocked out with the stomach flu. Not a bad run for the first 188 days.

Yesterday, a neighbor tried to recruit me to come to her newly Lutheran church. I smiled politely, but was thinking about how uncomfortable I still get when people try to bring up religion in conversation.

I’ve been sitting regularly for the last six months and decided it was time to try a slightly more intensive session with a group of people.  It’s difficult where I live, because the closest group of zen practitioners that I can find is over an hour away (odd considering how populated my area is).  But, when visiting my parents in the town I grew up in, I decided to stop by the Pine Wind Zen Society for a 90-minute zazen session.  Considering I’m only sitting 15-20 minutes once a day, I was worried this was going to feel like a marathon!

The time was split up into three 25 minute sessions with 5 minutes of kinhin in between.  I was surprised by a few things.  First, it was easier than I expected.  At home when I sit, I find myself battling fidgetiness a lot, which I think comes from the fact I’m at home and have these nagging thoughts about other things I should be doing ("I should be doing the dishes" or "I should get to bed").  When you actually drive somewhere and your only intention is to just sit, it’s a lot easier to… just sit.  The other surprise I had was at the level of calm I felt afterwards.  While I was there, I felt relatively focused and relaxed, but when I left, it became really clear to me exactly how much tension and stress I’ve been carrying with me.  I hadn’t felt this calm in years.  It was pretty amazing really.  (Sadly, the next day I was pretty much back to normal.  But hey, realizing this is part of the process, right?)

Pine Wind’s a neat place.  If you didn’t know it was there, you’d pass right by while driving through the residential neighborhood that a few friends of mine from elementary school had grown up in.  They don’t follow any specific zen lineage:

Practicing the "Dharma Beyond Buddhism", at no time does The Zen Society exist to promote any peculiar religious doctrine, dogma, or teachings, and shares no formal affiliation with other Zen groups, denominations, or any hierarchy of Dharma Successors.

While most of the ten people there sat facing the center of the room, one woman faced the wall for two of the three sessions in a more traditional Soto style.  I decided to face the center of the room even though it’s not how I usually sit.  It didn’t bother me in the least.  While I didn’t really talk with anyone other than Ninshin, who was the one I spoke with over e-mail before attending, everyone was seemed very friendly.  I didn’t feel that awkwardness I remember feeling when visiting friends’ churches (or—ack—youth groups) as a kid.

I look forward to stopping in again sometime and while I still consider my practice a very personal thing, the experience definitely makes me want to hunt down a group closer to me that I can practice with periodically.

Last night, I was a few minutes into my zazen when my 19-month-old daughter walked up to me. She doesn’t usually see me when I’m meditating (I usually save it for when she’s asleep), but she didn’t find it particularly strange that I was sitting and staring at a wall. She looked at me for a moment and then sat down in my lap.

She got up after a few seconds, grabbed one of her toy cars and tried handing it to me. When I didn’t immediately take it from her, she leaned down and placed it in my hands. Apparently my mudra was sufficient for toy car storage.

Best zazen session ever.

After a year of a terribly inconsistent zazen regimen (Regimen? Not the right word. “Routine,” perhaps?), one of my new year’s resolutions for 2008 was to sit at least 10 minutes every day, with the intention of gradually increasing to 20 minutes and then to twice a day (and eventually to 30 minute sessions). Well, I’m happy to report that a month-and-a-half in, I haven’t missed a day yet.

Even when I fall asleep on the couch and wake up at 2am, I sit for ten minutes before going to bed.

Even when I’m battling a nasty cold and can barely focus on the wall ahead, I sit.

Even when my zazen feels “bad” or I’m completely distracted, I sit.

There haven’t been any breakthroughs. But I’m not waiting for any. I’m just getting started in this practice and will see where it leads. With any luck, it’ll bring some insight, clarity, and ultimately improve how I deal with situations and with other people.

One of this blog’s two (or am I being too generous?) readers mentioned that I need to write more.  So here goes.

I’ve started off 2008 with an invigorated practice.  I have to admit that for the last three months of 2007, my practice was practically non-existent.  But I’ve sat my butt down on the cushion every day this year so far for at least 10 minutes, so that’s a start.

Something I’ve realized as I’ve entered back into practice a little more seriously is exactly how scattered my mind is, something I imagine everyone figures out pretty early on.  I’ll be sitting there, counting my breaths in an attempt to still things a bit and by the time I’ve gotten to ten I’ve thought about work, something I need to do, an idea about a blog entry to write, how I’m not catching these thoughts as they come and thus having a “bad” session, and then flashing back to some memory from childhood.  And this is in a 30 or 45 second span.  No wonder I feel like I’m all over the place… my mind is working triple and quadruple duty most of the time.

As I’m picking my practice back up, I’ve been on an informal search for a local sangha.  I’d like to have some people to sit with periodically and be around some others who I might be able to learn from.  Unfortunately, even though I live in the fastest growing county in the nation, there just aren’t many options that aren’t far away.  There is a Thai Vipassana temple near my work which I’ve considered going to, but I’m wondering whether that would be in conflict with the Soto Zen I’ve decided to practice.  Maybe I need to just talk to someone there about it.

Shikanataza means “just sitting.”

I find myself often thinking of that phrase more as, “Ah, I’m not doing much… just sitting… how about you?” when the real intention of the phrase is to show that you’re sitting and only sitting, not doing anything else. So when I think “just sitting” I now emphasize the “just”. Just sitting. Nothing else.

Brad Warner directs us to this interview with David Chadwick (Crooked Cucumber):

Brad points out a section that snapped me to attention (emphasis mine):

And in the interview Chadwick answers a question I always hear, which is how do you get motivated to do Zazen practice. The answer, which Chadwick poses a bit more politely than I’m about to, is fuck motivation, just practice. He compares it to writing, which I can relate to. Any writer knows that if you only write when you’re specifically motivated to do so you won’t produce anything worthwhile. You just gotta sit down and do it. Same with Zazen. You set a time each day for Zazen and you do it then, whether you want to do it or not, whether it feels like you think it should or not. You just get down and do it.

See, I’ve been dealing with this exact thing recently. I’m been looking for motivation not only to sit zazen but to work on the book that I’m writing. Looking for this internal motivation to do whatever needs to be done really has nothing to do with motivation, it’s all about finding an excuse not to do something. The weird thing is, that something can be something you really want to do, but may be avoiding for any number of reasons (”I don’t deserve to spend time doing that,” “I have to deal with _____ first,” fear of failure, etc.).

So, there you go. Just practice. Just write. Just avoid quoting Nike slogans (”Just (get underpaid children in Vietnam to) Do It (for you)”).

(One question about the video, though: what’s with the cheesy set?)